We're facebook friends in real life
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
