how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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