Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this boner is exhausting
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize