I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
