Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
