I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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