I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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