dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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