he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
