I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
