Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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