How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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