I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
