Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
