After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
