Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
