I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
