So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize