But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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