dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize