Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
