happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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