I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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