Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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