he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
