Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
