just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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