can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My life is pants optional.
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