when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize