I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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