yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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