Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
