You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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