Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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