Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
