i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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