she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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