There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
