I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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