I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize