Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
