I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize