I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
