my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
