You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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