Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
