More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
