Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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