NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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