When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize