it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are all done wearing pants today
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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