That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
